Tips On Finding Marriage Counseling Books

Everyone knows that if you drive a car, you have to change the oil on a regular basis. It seems obvious that cars need maintenance – but apparently less people realize that marriage needs maintenance too. There are lots of marriage counseling books available that will help you maintain (and enhance) your marriage. Spending a little time and money on one or several of these books can be a very wise investment. Consider how many marriages are hitting the rocks these days. In many cases, divorce might have been prevented, had the couple only put some effort into maintaining their marriage.

As far as marriage counseling books are concerned, it’s not necessary to go with the latest fad. There are a number of classics that are just as valuable today as when they were first written. After all, the issues that today’s marriages face are essentially the same as those faced by Adam and Eve: love, respect, finance, raising children, and so on.

One classic book that I like is “His Needs, Her Needs”. It was written by Willard F. Harley, Jr, a practicing psychologist. He focuses on the fact that husband and wife have differing needs. These needs are so different that it’s often the case that the husband doesn’t even realize that he is not meeting his wife’s needs, and vice versa. According to Dr. Harley, men’s greatest need is usually sex, which should come as no surprise. For women he ranks affection first, which is something many men find it hard to deliver. In summary, Dr. Harley’s encourages the husband and wife to make loving accommodations for each other’s differing needs, even if it requires some self-sacrifice.

An alternative that takes a very different approach is “Getting the Love You Want”. The author is Dr. Harville Hendrix, a practicing therapist, who himself went through a painful divorce. As a result of his experience, Dr. Hendrix writes with sensitivity and sincere empathy. According to Dr. Hendrix, we usually don’t understand the real (unconscious) reasons that we are attracted to our mates. According to him, these reasons can be summarized as follows. First of all, we are drawn to partners whose personalities have both the pluses and minuses of those who raised us. Second, we are drawn to partners who make up for things we missed out on during our childhood. The upshot is that we often expecting our mate to be a kind of ’surrogate parent” who will do things right the second time around.

I’m not sure that I agree completely with Dr. Hendrix’s theory, but he does have some interesting case histories to make his point. Like the case of John, a dull businessman (at least that’s how he saw himself), who was infatuated with Cheryl because of her emotional nature. But what initially attracted John to Cheryl quickly became too much for him to handle.

Whichever book you choose, I urge you not to avoid or put off consulting marriage counseling books. There is no relationship more precious than marriage, and it’s impossible to invest too much care into making it great.

Find out more: Marriage Counselling Books or get your ex backor Save Marriage From Divorce